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I approach therapy with a simple question: 

"What do you want out of life, and what is holding you back from that?" 

This question, and your answers, is where we begin the journey. I look forward to hearing from you.

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June 9, 2020

You can't grieve discounted losses

Process and name your losses.

We are experiencing loss.

We are all becoming familiar with loss in the era of the coronavirus pandemic. The loss of the trip you were looking forward to.  The loss of the marathon you finally signed up for.  The loss of community, of touch.  The loss of alone-time to process.  The loss of a loved one you couldn't say goodbye to in person.

You can't grieve discounted losses.  All the little things you have told yourself are not important enough to grieve.  All the compound losses that others invalidate because they're not "big" enough losses to count.  You can't grieve them until you name them.

Invalidating and discounting your losses will not help you get over them.  You have to go through them.  You have to name them, grieve them, and find space for gratitude and humor.  Grieving is not an obstacle to gratitude.  Grieving makes way for gratitude.

One of my major losses during the pandemic was the loss of any alone-time to process.  I have that back now that my daughter's daycare re-opened.  And now I have time to acknowledge my losses and grieve them.  As you have the space to do so, I invite you to do the same.  Name your losses.  Also name the things that are keeping you going.  You need both to be whole.

If you'd like to explore this further, you can listen to the podcast that inspired this post.  It's geared towards therapists but I think applies to all of us. If you'd like to process and name your losses in person, please contact me for a session.

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