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I approach therapy with a simple question: 

"What do you want out of life, and what is holding you back from that?" 

This question, and your answers, is where we begin the journey. I look forward to hearing from you.

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Childhood

Emotionally Immature Parents

Your parents may have done the best they could and it still wasn't enough to meet your basic emotional needs.

No parent does everything right, but it's never the job of the child to raise the parent.

The Hurt

You find it hard to trust or own intuition.  Guilt and obligation have become your guiding compass in making decisions.  You may identify as a people-pleaser.  You’ve learned to shut down your own feelings so they won’t jeopardize your relationships.  You may even have trouble identifying who you are as a person because it did not feel safe to have autonomy or a separate sense of self.  

If any of these are true, your parents’ emotional maturity may have been a factor. They may not have had the emotional capacity to provide predictable and loving adult interactions with you. Instead they were self-referential, not being able to see past their own feelings and needs to see you as a separate person with your own feelings and needs. They looked to you for comfort, but always rejected it when you offered it.

The Healing

Being able to identify if your parents fit this scenario can help you make sense of your childhood. Then you can begin to heal and develop your own solid sense of self. It can be confusing to try to discern if your parents were purposefully manipulative, as in the case of a narcissistic parent, or not. You may be tempted to judge the validity of your experience based on their intentions. If you can see that they are in fact acting like children themselves as they are trying to raise you, it can provide a helpful framework for understanding what happened. You can address your own needs with greater understanding.

I have found this book to be a wealth of knowledge and highly recommend it in your healing process: Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries & Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

Resources

These are resources I recommend exploring on the topic of

Emotionally Immature Parents

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