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We all have needs. As much as we like to think we are superheroes who have no needs and no limitations, we can find peace and freedom in naming and meeting our needs instead of avoiding or shunning them.Psychologist Abraham Maslow provided a helpful tool for conceptualizing many of our needs:

Take time today to notice where your thoughts naturally gravitate. Observe where your time is spent today.

Did you spend time worrying about what others think of you?  

Did you spend a lot of time thinking about your "to do list" and accomplishing things because success and productivity make you feel important?  

Were you worried about paying all of your bills?  

Were you concerned about making sure other people respect you?

These are all clues about what needs are most salient in your life right now.  Can you find a healthy way to meet those needs today?

More to come in this series on Meeting Our Needs...

Starting another year trying to create a new you? The one that goes to the gym 3 times a week, eats healthy meals, and gives up bad habits? What if this year, you didn't have to plunge ahead with the New Year's Resolutions, just hoping it will work out?

What if the focus was not on new behaviors, but rather being yourself – truly, authentically yourself?

Sometimes, in the rush to make and fulfill New Year's Resolutions, we attempt to brush past the things we don't like about ourselves and try to make a new version of ourselves. Then our attempts to change ourselves fail, and we feel even worse about ourselves than we did to begin with. What if this year, you begin with noticing. If you learned to be curious about yourself and your needs, instead of focusing on what you feel needs to change in order to accept yourself or have the life you want?

What if the focus was on being real instead of being your ideal version of you?

Living from a place of solid "realness" is much more rewarding than creating an external change. Granted, there might be a little discomfort from being aware of the parts you like and don't like about yourself. But from that awareness, you might actually discover that you can enjoy being you without the frantic need to be more perfect. Maybe the new habits you want to form and the goals you want to reach are still worth working towards. Once you are able to see yourself for who you are, you open the door to who you want to be. The obstacles and resistance to those goals become more clear and the goals more achievable.

Start by being you.

We often feel like we're in a juggling act with all the demands and responsibilities we're trying to meet. And sometimes you have too many balls to keep them all going. This time of year, I like to think of them as ornaments. You have to drop some of those balls - either to let them go... or to pick them back up later. The way you decide which balls to drop, is to assess which balls are rubber and can bounce and recover, and which balls are glass, and need you to prioritize them so they don't fall and crack.

Thank you, Jessica N. Turner, for this juggling act analogy and your book Stretched Too Thin: How Working Moms Can Lose the Guilt, Work Smarter, and Thrive.

As I've seen ornaments on my own tree and around town, I'm reminded of this analogy and it helps me keep living it. I hope it's helpful to you as well in this busy holiday season.

When you're feeling down, try these yoga poses to boost your mood.

You do not need a yoga mat or amazing flexibility - just yourself and the willingness to try something new.  The standing poses are the easiest to use when you're not at home - use them at your office or wherever you need them.

*Please note these poses will not eradicate depression, but are part of a healthy plan to alleviate depressive symptoms.  Read more about creating a comprehensive plan to address depression here.  Also note if you have any history of abuse, choose poses that allow you to stay present in your body and do not trigger you.‍

Legs up the wall

‍Forward bends

Downward dog

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‍Wide-leg forward bend

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Child's pose

‍Bridge pose

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‍Spinal twist

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‍Fetal position

Resting pose (savasana)

Special thanks to Melissa Garner, LMHC, QS, RYT, licensed mental health counselor and yoga instructor, who partnered with me to create this page.  She offers yoga classes in the Pensacola area that incorporate mental health.  You can find her here.  I also interviewed Melissa about the benefits of yoga for mental health and am excited to share that interview soon.  Stay tuned!

When you hear the word depression, what comes to mind? Sadness and thoughts of suicide probably top the list.  These are signs of depression, but there are others that often go unrecognized...

Surprising signs of depression:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Quick temper
• Irritability (especially true for kids)
• Increase in negative/shaming thoughts (that are hard to fight off even when you recognize them and try your best)
• Withdrawal
• Change in eating habits (eating all the time, not wanting to eat, or even sometimes binging-restrictive eating)
• Change in sleeping habits (sleeping all the time, hard to get out of bed in the morning, or conversely not able to sleep as well as normal)
• Lack of motivation, energy
• Lack of interest in things you used to enjoy

Experiencing these symptoms does not automatically mean you have depression, but it means there is something going on and it would be a good idea to consult a counselor and/or doctor to rule out depression.Other signs of depression can include:

• Suicidal ideation, which means thinking about death, dying, or ceasing to exist
• Inability to get out of bed in the morning
• Hopelessness
• Frequent crying, sadness, or tearfulness

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, if you have developed a plan, and if you don't know if you can keep yourself safe, seek help immediately. Call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.  You can reach the National Suicide Hotline by calling 1-800-273-8255 or you can chat with them online at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat.

Ways to prevent and fight depression:

• Positive self-talk (here's an example of changing self-talk to reduce anxiety)
• Physical activity
• Yoga (find specific yoga poses to alleviate depression here)
• Massage (Kelli Merriman is a wonderful resource in the Pensacola area)
• Mindfulness
• Healthy eating (practical suggestions, research)
• Good sleep habits
• Time in sunlight and nature (try a light-box in the winter)
• Gardening
• Artistic expression
• Antidepressant medication*
• TMS Therapy - a way to alter brain chemistry that contributes to depression without medication
• Counseling (if you'd like to schedule a session, you can contact me here)

*Note: Research shows that counseling is more effective for long-term improvement than antidepressants.  In my experience as a counselor, adding the treatment of an antidepressant to counseling can make counseling more effective.  Clients often report that on an antidepressant, it's like the heavy blanket that was weighing them down has been lifted. They're shocked to find that they are less irritable and less easily angered.  With the support of an antidepressant, they are able to effectively work through the underlying issues contributing to the depression.  And they're finally able to make use of the rest of the above tools to fight depression.  In sum, they feel like they're finally able to make the changes they want in their lives.

An antidepressant is not for everyone with depressive symptoms and is not a cure-all, but it can be a helpful tool to correct chemical imbalances in the brain contributing to depression.  (Important note: if you also experience periods of the following: racing thoughts, days with little to no sleep, increase in productivity/creativity, and high-risk behaviors (e.g. frequent sex or overspending), please inform your doctor/counselor so that you get the most accurate diagnosis and effective medication for you.)